How to Ruin Your Divorce Case Before It Even Starts

With divorce there is grief, there is rage, there is a shared blender nobody actually wants but will die fighting over, but you know what makes it worse? In the middle of all this mess, people make their own divorce worse. Not by accident. Not because they are evil but because they have no idea what they are doing. If you are doing any of these, stop right now. Breathe. And read this instead. Here is how people tend to sabotage their divorce proceeding, and how not to be one of them.

Colluding to file for divorce

The most serious of them all. Kenyan law forbids couples from colluding to file for divorce (I have written sepately on this titled, “Should Kenya Let Go of the Fault-Based Divorce System?). In Kenya, you cannot just sit down together and decide that we have grown apart, let us make this official. Divorce still needs a legal reason as we are a Fault-Based system. A reason like adultery. Cruelty. Desertion. Not boredom. If you file without proper grounds, the court will toss your petition out and possibly fine you for wasting its time.

Trying to Evict Your Spouse and/or Children

You cannot just chuck your spouse out of the house, change the locks, and light a candle to celebrate your new freedom. That is not power but it is a shortcut to a court order you will not enjoy. The law does not care how upset you are or what they did. If you want someone out, get an order.

Hiding Your Income/Assets

People think hiding money is clever. Like the judge is going to stand up and applaud because you forgot to mention your rental Kileleshwa flat or decided your crypto wallet was private. It is not. Courts can ask for disclosure. Investigators are a real thing and if you get caught, and you probably will, you look like a liar. And nothing torpedoes your credibility faster than dodging the truth in front of a judge.

Letting Your Spouse Accumulate Debt

The problem with jointly owned property is if your name is on it, you might be stuck with the bill. Even if your spouse was the one who went shopping. Under the Matrimonial Property Act, you can still be liable for those debts. Keep tabs on your shared finances. And if you have separated, put something in writing, preferably a settlement agreement, aying you are not co-signing their financial debts.

Being a Spiteful Ex

Spite burns everything around you. Refusing to cooperate, sending passive-aggressive texts, or trying to use the kids as pawns does not make you clever. It makes you exhausted and courts do not like exhausting. Judges are not fooled by performative bitterness. If you want custody, fair asset division, and dignity at the end of this, drop the drama and act like a grown-up.

Refusing to Settle Because You’re “Fighting for Justice”

What actually happens is the judge makes a decision that satisfies everybody given the facts of your case, independent from what you believe is your own idea of “equal”. If you have a chance to negotiate a settlement, take it and the terms and the outcome. Avoid the roulette of court orders that make you wish you had just said yes to that parenting/settlement plan.

Forgetting to change your will

If you die mid-divorce with your ex still listed in your will, guess what? They still get the loot. Even if you were in the middle of removing their name from every document you ever signed. Unless you rewrite your will or revoke the old one, your ex could legally inherit. Which is ironic. And tragic. And fully avoidable.

Posting revenge memes or scandalous Photos

This should not need to be said, but here we are. Do not post your ex’s private photos or dirty laundry on social media. It is criminal. You will get sued and you will pay damages. If you need to scream into the void, do it in a journal or with your therapist. Not on Instagram.

Making threats

Threatening your ex, your kids, or their mum’s cat will not get you the house. It will get you arrested. Harassment, stalking, or cutting off child support out of spite are not tactics. They are how people end up with restraining orders

Selling Off Joint Property

That car in both your names? The Diani Beach flat you bought “together”? You cannot just sell them as you wish. The law says both parties must consent and any buyer who takes that asset without spousal consent might end up losing it altogether. If you want the property divided, take it to court and get an official order. No backroom deals and no funny business.

Final Words

At the end of all this, what you do during divorce sets the tone for everything that follows, your finances, your parenting arrangements and your peace of mind. You can choose to walk through it with a shred of dignity and civility by avoiding all these points listed here. Your call.

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